All We See or Seem Read online

  “Are you kidding me? A night on the outside? Don’t expect me back until tomorrow night. I’m gonna get plastered, find me a friendly civilian, and then sleep it off ‘til sunset.”

  “Sweet assignment, man.”

  “Yep.”

  “All right. Looks like everything is in order. Drink one for me, will ya? Haven’t had a leave of absence in three months. See ya tomorrow night.” The rustling sound of the papers being passed back through the window was a relief to Gryff’s ears, and he let out a slow, silent breath.

  “You bet!” The reply was jovial, almost too much so. It really didn’t bother them. Either of them. Delivering a person to her death, and not one scruple to hamper their consciences. Gryff’s stomach churned, threatening to betray his presence in the back of the ambulance. He lifted a trembling hand to his abdomen and closed his eyes in misery.

  The ambulance jolted forward and pulled through the open gate. Down a few twisting primitive gravel roads and up the small hill to the country highway, and they were on their way the short distance to the university research campus.

  Gryff braced himself against the wall and listened for the driver’s movements. After several miles of driving, he could hear the crunch of the plastic bottle as the man grasped it in one hand while twisting off the lid with the hand clutching the wheel. He drained a long swig from the bottle and replaced the lid, then slammed it back into the dash cup holder.

  It wouldn’t be long now. Gryff strained closer to the open passage between the front and the back compartment in anticipation of the incapacitated driver.

  The man leaned against the headrest of his seat and blew a heavy breath through his pursed lips. Another couple of miles down the road, he was vigorously shaking his head back and forth, trying to ward off the encroaching somnolent haze. A knowing smile played on Gryff’s lips. He fought the urge to chuckle at the irony when the driver reached again for the water bottle in desperation to keep himself awake.

  The main street lights of the small town sparkled to life in the distance, and grew steadily closer as they drove.

  When the driver finally slumped over in his seat, and the ambulance began to veer to the left, Gryff leaped into action. He grasped the front of the man’s uniform and pulled his dead weight to the passenger side of the vehicle, then slid expertly in behind the wheel, righting the direction and cancelling the cruise control.

  Gryff glanced at the clock on the dashboard. One o’clock. He had only a few hours to dump the driver, get rid of the ambulance, and hide with Gem before they would notice his absence and send out the search party.

  He caught a glimpse in his mirror of Gem sleeping peacefully in the back. A sudden shiver overtook him as the realization of what he had just done sank in. She was safe for now. But they were going to come looking for her. Nothing would keep them from trying to kill her — one of their precious stems out in the general population. Gryff swallowed at the stubborn dry knot in his throat. And nothing would keep them from endeavoring to silence him too — he was nothing more than a lab experiment gone wrong.

  Turning onto to the town’s main street, he squinted at the bright lights of the storefront buildings, searching for the perfect resting place for the dosed driver. There were several options, but Gryff finally settled on The Angry Horse Tavern.

  Loud country music spilled out into the street through the propped-open doors. A neon flashing sign lit and darkened the sidewalk beneath it in turn.

  Gryff parked the ambulance up the block under a burned-out streetlamp, hoping for some camouflage in the shadows. Jumping out of the driver side door, he took three long strides around the front and was on the other side, pulling his passenger out by the jacket. He threw the man’s arm over his shoulders and supported his weight, but let his feet drag on the ground.

  The two staggered down the path and into the bar from the street. No one seemed to notice them as they entered, so Gryff dropped the guy in a booth seat and leaned him back against the wall then quietly slipped out the way he had come in.

  Jumping back into the ambulance, he palmed it into drive and pulled a tight U-turn right off the curb, heading to the rural highway.

  He would have to put some distance between Gem and Endfield, but not too much. They probably wouldn’t think to look close by. One more town ought to do the trick. There was another one about fifteen miles down the road, according to the green road signs glowing under the glare of his high beams.

  ****

  Gem woke with a start. Where was she? An odor not unlike stale flowers invaded her senses as she burst into consciousness. Her eyes traced the small odd-shaped room. A small table with two wooden chairs sat in the corner by the window where the light was seeping through the drawn curtains like spindly glowing fingers. There were pictures hanging on the wall across from her, just past the door. A rushing sound on the other side of the wall startled her, and she propped herself up on her elbows to see better.

  “Who’s there?”

  Another door on the other side of the room clicked and then creaked open.

  “Hey, you’re awake.”

  The soothing familiar voice warmed her from the inside out. Gryff.

  “Where are we? How did we—? Gryff, am I still dreaming?”

  He stepped out of the shadows giving Gem a clearer view. He wore jeans but no shirt. Gem couldn’t help but stare as he approached slowly. Knowing he was there with her helped to settle her nerves, and she allowed herself to relax again. At the same time, something about him made her uncomfortable; her stomach fluttered when he stepped closer, almost like she was going to be sick. Her gaze traced Gryff’s movements, taking in the vision of him. No. It was an entirely new feeling — nothing like when her stomach had churned at the beginning of her birth assignment.

  Gryff ran his fingers through his hair, and his eyes scanned the room. He grabbed at a shirt hanging over the end of the bed and tugged it on before pulling a chair near to where she sat.

  “No, Gem. It’s no dream.” He sat down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. His green eyes pierced hers, like he was searching her face for something. “This is real.”

  “Where are we?” His nearness caused her breath to catch in her throat.

  “Soap Lake.”

  It meant nothing to her. Why was he using words she didn’t understand?

  “Do you remember what happened, Gem? At Endfield?” He appeared to be making an effort to read her expressions for the answer to his question.

  She shook her head, scouring her own hazy mind for faint shreds of memory.

  In minute glimpses, pieces of the past few days flashed just out of her reach. The pregnancy. Clinic-M. Ms. Birger. Seeing Gryff through the fence. A recent procedure that left her feeling vacant and lost. For some reason the word replaceable echoed through with each image. Research. Recycle. She remembered eating dinner, and Ms. Birger’s sad smile. Then nothing. She had woke up here. Oh, Joseph. They had drugged her again.

  Narrowing her eyes at him, she asked the question that suddenly burned in her mind. “How did we get here?”

  “We…” He seemed to be searching for the right words. His hand slid to her arm and clasped it with his warm fingers. “Gem. Don’t freak out.” The words were slow and deliberate as if he believed she would fly into hysterics at any moment.

  She had seen hysterics once before. One of Endfield’s outdoor staff. A bird had flown over and let loose a splatter of droppings. They had landed on a grounds attendant. She had spun around in circles screaming and batting at her head. Two security staff had escorted her indoors. Gem didn’t see her again.

  Her stomach did feel nauseous and tied in knots. But it certainly didn’t warrant hysterics, or as Gryff put it, freaking out.

  A sharp pain registered in her hands, and she looked down to find her fists clenched so tightly her fingernails were embedding in her flesh. She bit her lip in realization. So this is freaking out.

  “Do you feel okay?” he asked, reachin
g for her hand. Gem closed her eyes against the warmth his hand gave. It was comforting and familiar yet somehow still foreign.

  Snatching her hand away, she turned to look into his eyes. “Gryff, it looks like you, and it feels like you, but…”

  “But what?” A shadow passed over his face. Gem struggled to understand all the emotions she could see openly displayed.

  “You’re… different.”

  He licked his lips, turned his face away, and said something under his breath that seemed unsuited for her ears, though she couldn’t be sure.

  “I know. I need to tell you something, Gem, but I’m worried about overwhelming you. I think you’re in shock. This probably won’t help.” He scrutinized her as he spoke. “Promise you’re not gonna freak out.”

  Promise? Freak out? Why was he using such strange words? Somehow she managed a small smile, but her confusion doubled. Her mind felt as if it was already swimming in far too much information she didn’t comprehend. It would give up trying soon.

  “This is going to sound unbelievable. I’m having a hard time understanding it myself.” He hesitated again. “I’m two different people. I’m Gryffon-Stem 6392C, the one you knew, though those memories only returned to me a couple of days ago and still feel faint and surreal. And I also have the memories and experiences of Aaron Jennings. When I was taken away from you — the Code Green — I woke up in a hospital bed with that new name, a new identity, and parents. A brother. He’s a nuisance, by the way.”

  She smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. But a sudden twinge of an emotion she didn’t understand nagged at her. Gryff had memories of a life. A life outside of Endfield. It didn’t make sense, because he had only left her a few short months ago. There hadn’t been time for so many memories.

  “I know it sounds insane, but the Aaron part of me feels real, though I know now it’s not. I have all his memories, his life experiences — they’re stored in my brain. I didn’t remember who I was, the Gryffon part was lost. Like they erased my memory and replaced it with someone else’s, and Gryffon no longer existed. But I think, maybe, something went wrong. Because I would dream and have flashes of that former life.”He paused for a moment and gazed at her as if so much of what he was saying was just now dawning on him and he was experiencing the realization for the first time along with Gem. He reached for her again. His hand trembled in hers, and she squeezed it, remembering the day he had received his orders, and they had sat together just like this. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

  Only snatches of what he said registered. So many words she didn’t understand. How could he be two people? But something within her testified to the truth of his confession. There had been so many things in Endfield the last few months that hadn’t added up, even in her limited scope of what life should be. What he said shouldn’t surprise her. There had been so many lies. So much deception. Almost everything she had been told by staff and doctors had been part of the illusion. And nothing she saw was as it seemed.

  Gryff smiled weakly and continued, “Gem, you and I, Teo, Tavon — we exist as backups. Endfield isn’t reality. There is a huge world of billions of people, and we are the substitutes in case things go wrong.”

  Gem squinted. “Substitutes?” She wasn’t sure of that word, but it sounded sickening and haunting like the word Dr. Spurius had used to describe her. Replaceable. “I don’t think I understand.”

  “Replacements… Gem, we’re copies of people outside Endfield.” His deep green eyes scoured her face for signs of comprehension. And found them, it seemed. An icy horror inched its way up her spine and settled in her face. He went on in clear enunciated explanation. “If they get sick, if they get in an accident. If they are killed in a war… that’s what happened to me. The other me. Aaron. They couldn’t save him, so they replaced him — with Gryff’s body. My body.” Gryff stopped, and his gaze darted away from her. He raked his hair back with his free hand. She found herself somewhat mesmerized by the action. Gem couldn’t listen anymore. What he said seemed to flow over her without sinking in, and her mind wandered back to her own dreams.

  She had dreamed of Gryff. Had visions of him returning. Her thoughts went back to his confession. He had dreamed of her too, even when he didn’t remember who she was. His lips were still moving, but she no longer heard the words. All the visions of Gryff replayed in her mind, one by one, laced with emotions she didn’t fully understand.

  Ms. Birger had told her that with the pregnancy, she would experience new feelings, and those she knew would grow stronger. Dr. Spurius had altered her supplements, and the chemical change made the dreams that much more palpable, gradually more real until… That last dream hadn’t been a dream at all. Ms. Birger had said so. That meant — she felt her eyes widen with the realization — what had happened was real. When he had cradled her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers.

  Her eyes closed involuntarily, and she remembered the feel of his mouth on hers.

  “Gem?” his voice broke through her reminiscence. “Is this too much? Have I upset you?”

  Opening her eyes again, she let her gaze rest on his lips and tilted her head to the side, the question burning in her mind.

  “Gryff, do you remember when I first saw you from the garden?”

  He nodded.

  “Do you… can you—?” She wasn’t sure what she was asking. Her hand seemed to move of its own accord, reaching toward her own lips. Whatever it was, the thought of his warmth seemed to offer the comfort she longed for, a desire emanating from deep in her being.

  Gryff’s gaze traced the path of her hand to her mouth. A spark of understanding reflected in the deep green of his eyes, and his warm hand rose to caress her cheek, soothing her apprehension. The tenderness of his touch spread through her like a soft glow, and she found herself leaning closer to him on instinct.

  The room shifted. Gem wasn’t sure how, she just knew it did; something was different, more powerful — altered in some way. Gryff moved closer as he whispered, “Don’t freak out…” Then his lips met hers.

  In that moment, she was home, though she had never had a sense of that before now. All of her pain and despair at Gryff’s departure came rushing back, only to be washed away by the cleansing of his touch. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace as his lips moved over hers. Tears formed behind her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks — but this time it wasn’t in fear or sadness. It was pure joy. A wonderful new feeling.

  Gryff held her for a long time; her breathing kept pace with his. In the dim light of the quiet room, it seemed the black memories of what once was her life melted away from her. She could forget them and start something new. Just she and Gryff in this alien world.

  He exhaled a heavy sigh and planted a lingering kiss on the top of her head. His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke. “Life is different out here. It will take some adjusting. And they probably won’t let us just walk away. We’ll have to hide. Maybe change our names. Our identities.”

  It seemed strange, hearing Gryff talking about life as though he had spent his in this outside world. He had lived at Endfield too. It had only been a few months since he left, and yet he spoke as if he had a lifetime of experience, of memories, from this other place. How was that possible? How could it be that a person was injected with memories that were not their own? It seemed the body would reject the intrusion instead of accepting it as truth as Gryff had.

  “Gem,” his voice drew her attention back to him. “We will have to keep moving. Probably for a long time.” His brows were knit together in concern, and he chewed on his bottom lip, a strange tell of what he wasn’t saying. And in spite of her newfound comfort in his arms, a chill of trepidation tiptoed down her spine and ingrained itself in her core.

  A life of running. Then again, wherever Gryff was, that was home.

  “Tell me,” she whispered, burying her face against his shoulder. “We won’t part again. You won’t leave me. That’s all that matters.
”

  “I won’t leave you.” He lifted her chin and kissed her again.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  After Gem fell asleep, Gryff slipped out of the hotel and drove to the nearest bank. The idea was to get as much of Aaron’s funds as he could siphon off before they realized he was AWOL. Get it fast and get it in cash. Pick up a car somewhere. There were plenty of old used beaters in these little country towns, something to get them out of the state and not draw too much attention.

  A local man gave him a good deal. It’s surprising what a guy could get when he paid with cash.

  They were going to need different clothes. Their uniforms would draw too much attention. Probably a hat too. Her red hair was far too recognizable, but there wasn’t time to change that. There weren’t many shopping options close by, so he had to settle for what he could find at a civilian rummage sale. The lady looked to be about Gem’s size.

  After a quick stop at the gas station to fill up and grab some snacks for the road, Gryff slipped behind the wheel of the rust-eaten blue sedan. It sure didn’t look like much, but it ran. He headed back to the hotel to pick up Gem.

  They had to get out of here. Go somewhere they wouldn’t be found. But the only refuge Gryff could think of was home.

  Home.

  Even as the thought presented itself, Gryff snorted in disdain. It wasn’t his home. It was Aaron’s. And his father knew something about the EROMI project. How much did he know? That was the real question. Gryff had to think, use Aaron’s memories to discern how safe it would be there.

  Certainly his mother didn’t know anything. Aaron would have picked up on the signs of her deceit. The general, however, was another story. He was used to lying. His involvement in government intelligence made keeping secrets like a native language to him.

  Gryff had to trust the instincts Aaron’s training and experience gave him. And those instincts said to go home.

  As he pulled into the parking lot, he groaned. It was exhausting trying to separate his two halves. If this was going to work, he was going to have to reconcile both parts. Like it or not, he was both Aaron and Gryff now. And his sanity wouldn’t last long if he couldn’t manage to merge them into one.